


My Mortal Boyfriend is a Perv

by Cards_Slash



Series: Vampires too [2]
Category: Assassin's Creed
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, M/M, halloween fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-31
Updated: 2014-10-31
Packaged: 2018-02-23 09:26:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2542643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cards_Slash/pseuds/Cards_Slash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which Altair is forced to attend a Halloween party AND wear a ridiculous costume.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Mortal Boyfriend is a Perv

The matter of the Halloween party come up over dinner a week and a half before October 31st rolled around. Malik was eating his weight in take-out and Altair was drinking his quart of blood. They spent a lot of time losing track of their conversations over the dinner table because every gulp of blood brought a fresh blush of color to Altair’s body. The transformation was so sudden and yet so subtle that it had be as closely observed as a sunset over water. 

“Halloween party?” Altair repeated. He made a face to indicate how excited he was not about the prospect.

Malik was prepared for such a reaction. “Remember last month when you agreed to meet my parents for lunch and then didn’t show up or call? Do you remember that? What was the reason again?”

“It was supposed to rain that day,” Altair said (low and monotone). “Who knew the weather channel could be so wrong?”

“Right,” Malik said with zero sympathy. “So you left me sitting there awkwardly coming up with excuses about you and why you didn’t show up, why I don’t have any pictures of you and why you apparently have no idea of how to use a phone. Luckily, for both of us, this Halloween party happens at night.”

“I feel it’s an unfair expectation that I’m obligated to go to all after dark parties,” Altair said.

“I think it’s an unfair expectation that you think you’re going to get sex every time you come over.” And Altair made a face at him that was not incredibly attractive or mature and agreed to go to the party with him.

\--

Malik was a cruel-hearted and decisive human that was very good at getting exactly what he wanted. While Altair’s brothers expressed varying levels of confusion about Malik’s proficiency at getting his way and exaggerated opinions over Malik’s helplessness, the truth remained that Malik had an impressive arsenal. Not only had he discovered all of Altair’s unfortunate physical weaknesses, but he had rooted out a good number of his less obvious non physical ones.

For instance, he had taken to answering the door shirtless with a fine sheen of sweat on his skin (that smelled addictively delicious) and a healthy-pink glow to his skin whenever he intended to extract promises from Altair through use of sex. And it was on such an occasion, twelve days before Halloween that Malik tugged him inward by the tie Altair happened to be wearing (he did, in fact, have a job). The blue fabric twisted around his damp fist as Malik pulled them bodily together and Altair was as helpless as a fly in a web as Malik’s mouth brushed against his.

“You have to wear a costume,” Malik said softly. It seemed entirely irrelevant to current events. His free hand was slipping down the smooth white shirt front to wiggle his belt free. “Promise?”

Altair would have promised Malik anything he could conceivably imagine at that exact moment. With the taste of Malik’s breath spicy-and-warm across his lips and the bump of their mouths bringing into sharp focus the sudden rage of arousal that stormed through his (shriveled, dead) veins. His teeth (brought to perfect sharpness all of sudden) cut into his own lips as he nodded his head. “Promise,” he whispered back. 

Ever since they’d managed to drop the charade of Altair’s mortal cover, Malik had taken up expressing his illicit joy at immortal strength. In response to getting what he wanted, he plucked open the button of his own jeans and lifted his legs out of them to wrap himself around Altair. The strength of his arms crushing their bodies together but the strength of Altair’s limbs keeping them from crashing to the ground. 

“Shower?” Altair asked.

“No, fuck me,” Malik said back with a dirty-smile.

\--

“I have got to stop agreeing to things you propose while half dressed,” Altair said the next morning from the closet where he’d taken to hiding from the slanting rays of sunlight that came in through the broken blinds. He’d scuttled out of bed with the first gray drizzle of light with a hiss of irritation, kicking and flailing all the way.

Malik pulled the blankets tighter around his own body and snuggled back into the center of the bed. “Just go as a vampire, you’ll be great.” 

“Ah, yes because humans often attend these sorts of parties dressed as themselves!” 

“Be a _famous_ vampire then,” Malik said.

The silence should have been alarming but Malik was tired and it was still dark enough to sleep and he didn’t care about the vampire pouting in his closet.

\--

They were out on a superbly cloudy day carrying an umbrella and enjoying the unique experience of shopping together. Malik required food and Altair had nothing else to do with his time but brave the aisles of a supermarket during the last few days prior to a major holiday. He was a grace creature of the night with formidable powers and he still did not stand a chance against an angry woman with a cart overwhelmed with necessary items. 

Malik had taken to holding his hand and dragging him out of the path of oncoming danger as they shopped. They were perusing a selection of meat options when Malik suddenly turned to him and said, “Nosferatu?” 

“Will you be going as a wrinkled, silent, grotesque version of yourself as well then?” Altair said back. He thought that Malik’s thoughtful silence was a sign that the whole discussion had come to a halt and he would not be accosted with more helpful suggestions. But after they were back in the car it was:

“Lestat?”

“He is far too gay.”

Malik looked at him as if he didn’t understand a single word Altair had said and then said, “Barnabas Collins?”

“Johnny Depp.”

“Dracula?”

“Cliched.”

Malik made an aggravated noise and changed the subject.

\--

It was seven days before Halloween before Altair finally said, “what are you going to be dressed as for Halloween?” 

“I don’t know,” Malik said.

“Perhaps an M&M?” Altair said. He showed him the advertisement he’d been looking at with the man dressed as the yellow M&M. His gleaming white teeth were damp and sharp when he grinned. “You would have to be the yellow one because you are a little nuts.”

Malik cracked a smile despite his best efforts not to. “Yeah, you should be one of those True Blood guys. Bill or Bob or whatever the hell the names are.”

“Weak,” Altair answered. “You’ve had far better comebacks than that.”

It was sadly true.

\--

But four days before Halloween, Malik liked his tiny kitchen floor with painters plastic and waited patiently for Altair to arrive and walk into his trap. He stepped on the plastic with some concern but beyond looking for garlic, holy water and crucifixes said nothing. As was their current custom he stripped off his shirt so they could eat together. (The thing where his skin changed color demanded a lack of clothing obstructing Malik’s clear view of it.)

Malik said, “I figured out what you should be for Halloween.”

“I cannot wait to hear this suggestion,” Altair said with a sigh.

“Edward Cullen,” Malik announced expertly timed with throwing an entire jar of white-and-silver glitter directly at Altair’s person. The effect was astounding, the combination of morally offended and physically assaulted outrage on Altair’s face was _perfect_. Malik was laughing too hard to care how pink Altair’s face had gone or with how was staring right at him like he couldn’t figure out if he wanted to eat him or kill him. 

It was simply too perfect up to the moment Altair pounced on him in a cloud of glitter and dragged him down into the mess all over the crinkling plastic on the floor. They wrestled foolishly between bright-popping gales of laughter and the sound of Malik’s clothes ripping. Altair rubbed the glitter into his skin until they were both shimmering and panting, comfortably close to one another and warmed by exertion. 

“No,” Altair said unnecessarily.

\--

Three days before Halloween, Altair said, “perhaps we should go as some coordinating couples costume?”

“Sure,” Malik said. “I can be Frankenstein and you can be the Bride of Frankenstein.” Then he looked up from his book. “I can be a Pharaoh and you can wear one of those slutty Egyptian lady costumes. It’ll be perfect because everyone will see how fucking fantastic you look mostly naked and you won’t get cold.”

“There is something very wrong with the way your mind works,” Altair said. “Why am I dressing in a woman’s clothing?”

“Because I find it hot and hilarious and you’ll get laid.” Malik smiled at him with pretty pink in his cheeks and an increasing heart rate that generally promised good things. “What did you want to go as?”

\--

Two days before Halloween, somewhere in between getting naked and having an orgasm, Altair pushed Malik flat against the bed (and stopped kissing him) to say, “but why is it attractive to you?”

“This is not a conversation we should be having right now,” Malik said. His protest was effective worthless against Altair’s superior strength (normally a turn on). Aside from wiggling to get even the slightest of friction in all the best places, Malik was pinned and helpless. “This is not going to end well for you.”

Altair’s smile was sharp and pointy. “I will dress how you want me to dress if you can explain why you find it attractive for me to display myself to other people possibly while wearing clothes designed for a woman.”

“Because they’ll all want you, because you’re too fucking hot and I get to smirk in their faces and drag you out of there and they’ll spend the whole night thinking how fucking good in bed I must be.”

“You are very good in bed,” Altair said sweetly. Then he kissed him again and loosened his hold on him. “Very strange, but good.”

\--

The day before Halloween, Malik still had not decided on a costume. Altair listened to the many varied ideas about what they could possibly go as and nodded along. 

“You pick something,” Malik said. 

It was clearly a trap. Altair eyed him with some concern, tried to think of a way to back out of the demand and then settled on following through with it instead. He was an immortal creature of the night. He could pick out a damn Halloween costume.

\--

At five o’clock Halloween night, Altair showed up at his house with two costumes. He threw Malik’s at him and then left to get dressed in his own. 

“The big bad wolf?” Malik said. He looked at the hideous, oversized furry black monstrosity that appeared to be wearing someone’s grandmother’s dress that Altair had picked out for him to wear. It was not the worst costume that he had ever worn but it was far from the best. “This is what you want me to wear?”

Altair re-emerged wearing a black corset over a billowy white shirt with a tiny bright red skirt, a pair of sheer black tights held up by little clips and a cape that could not possibly have kept an infant (much less an adult person) warm. He was holding a basket out to the side with two fingers and staring at him as if he were waiting for approval. “Yes, while you derive sexual pleasure from putting me on display, I am jealous, possessive and prone to outbursts of anger when other people happen to notice you are attractive in any way.”

Malik had not heard anything Altair said. He was just looking at the pale skin of his thighs in the gap between the top of the stockings and the bottom of the skirt. “Yeah,” he said agreeably.

“I look good in red,” Altair said. “Ezio told me so.”

“Yeah,” Malik said again. And then, “we don’t really have to go to this party.”

“We do,” Altair assured him. “Now get dressed.”

There was nothing Malik wanted to do less. Begging Altair to change his mind, dragging Altair to any available surface, tearing the costume off Altair with his teeth—these were things he wanted to do. Getting dressed was not among the options. “This is going to suck,” he said to nobody in particular.

“Your idea,” Altair sing-songed at him from the kitchen. “Stop whining.”

**Author's Note:**

> the costume [is found here](http://www.partycity.com/product/red+riding+hood+and+granny+wolf+couples+costumes.do?navSet=170390)


End file.
